Life

I had a cousin pass away last night. He died here in Las Cruces but lived most of his life in Socorro. He was flown here yesterday as there was nothing the Socorro hospital could really do for him anymore. It is a very sad situation as he was suffering from cirrhosis of the liver, failed kidneys, and internal bleeding. The nurses had a hard time locating veins in his arms and finally ended up using his jugular vein to administer medication. He was only in his fourties and had 2 daughters.

My brother Mike decided to stay at the hospital with him last night as the nurses had already confirmed he probably wouldn't make it through the night. I'm glad Mike did that, and I know it meant a lot to both of them. Even if my cousin was incoherent, he was not alone. Nobody deserves to be alone at that moment in your life.

Lately Mike and I have talked more and I am learning just how good of a person my brother can be. He reminds me of my dad in a lot of ways. My dad used to always want to give me advice on things. And for the most part I always thought he didn't really know what he was talking about. I guess it was just the teenager in me but my dad and I never really saw eye to eye on much. I regret that now but we both knew we loved each other and he understood a hell of a lot more than I did at that time.

Mike and I have always been close, no doubt about that, but lately it seems that life keeps getting in the way and for some reason or another we haven't really connected in a long time. We were probably closer when I lived in Socorro than here in Las Cruces. But this year we work together, we drive to and from school together, we go to basketball games together, and we always talk during these times. Sometimes we just shoot the shit but other times we have some great conversations. For the longest time I sort of pushed Mike out and felt like he really didn't get me or my own situations, very much like I did with my dad. And on top of that I didn't get him or his situations either. But as it turns out, he knows a hell of a lot more than I do and I learn from him all of the time. Yeah sometimes he can get a little crazy but rightfully so, he's my big brother. Besides that, he's my best man and Emma's godfather. He's supposed to watch out for me.

I recently wrote on this blog that it sometimes takes falling so that you can find out for yourself what it is you really need to hold you up. First and foremost, family. Don't ever shut them out, they're really all you got and they will be there when it matters most. I wish everyone had a brother like mine.

Everyone reading this, your still alive and you still have opportunity. Everyday and every moment you have opportunity. Be the best brother or sister you can be. Be the best parent or child you can be. Be the best friend you can be. Be the best husband or wife you can be. Be all of these things even if you get nothing in return because that's not what's it's all about. It is never too late for anything, and for those that disagree......I'm sorry for you.

I sent Mike a text early this morning after he told me about our cousin passing away that said "Life can suck, huh?" His reply was "When you let it, it can."

There are things worth holding onto in life. Things of so much value that they deserve to be fought for at any cost. But if anything is of true value, it's worth letting go. Anything really worth holding onto will bring us back to it.

When we fall, it can seem impossible to get up. But many times, it is only when we have fallen, when we have lost everything we held onto to keep standing, that we can see and grab onto what we actually need.

What makes a person "strong"

I don't know.

Is the person giving the beating or the person taking the beating the stronger one?

Is the person who prays or the person who dosn't need prayer the stronger one?

Is the person that finishes first or the person that finishes last the stronger one?

Is the person who knows when to say when or the person that endures the stronger one?

I really don't know.

Update

So no Ironman Arizona for me. I just officially withdrew and will get some money back. This is the second time I have had to withdraw from this race because of unforseen circumstances. There will be no third time. Someone is trying to tell me something. In a way I am a little sad I won't be getting into that kind of shape, working out with my buddies, and celebrating my 30th birthday in grand style (race is the day after my b-day). On the other hand we are having more cold, rain, and snow than I have ever seen in Las Cruces lately. Today, we are releasing our students home half a day because of the snow and driving conditions. I look forward to picking up Emma and spending some time with her in the snow. I'll post some pictures soon. I love you all and thanks for looking.